The Characteristics of a Good Wife

Once in a while, I will search new things to put in my blog, mostly on how to be a good wife. I like this one, because is based on Quran and Hadith.

Its a bit longer so I just copy and paste the main idea ( after summarizing from Hadith)

1--She is a good Muslim, obedient to Allah and His Messenger.
2--She performs the five regular prayers and fasts Ramadhan.
3--She is obedient to her husband, unless he orders her to do evil.
4--She protects her husband's money and honor in his absence.
5--She is always nice to her husband, checking on his needs.
6--She always tries to please and calm him if he is angry or upset.
7--She bears his children and does not ask him for divorce for no reason.
8--She tries to always look and smell nice for her spouse.

How to make your husband happy

Again, copy from my previous blog. Don't ask me either I have done it or not, because I'm still learning to be a good wife.. LOL

How to make Your Husband Happy

by Sheikh Mohammed Abdel haleem Hamed

Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting.

• Meet him with a cheerful face.
• Beautify and perfume yourself.
• Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
• Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
• Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

Beautify and Soften the Voice

• For your husband only, it shouldn’t be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried).

Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

• Taking good care of your body and fitness.
• Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
• Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.
• Avoide that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
• Avoide prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
• Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
• Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
• However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

Intercourse

• Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
• Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
• Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
• Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
• Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband, and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted

• You shouldn’t be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
• You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you.
• You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.

Indifference to Worldly Things

• You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
• You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
• Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
• Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

ppreciation

• By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
• The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways.
• The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?

Devotion and Loyalty

• In particular in times of calamities in your husband’s body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
• Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

Compliance to Him

• In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
• In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.

Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

• First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
• But if it happens that you can’t, then try to appease him as follows:
1. If you mistaken, then apologize.
2. If he mistaken then:
• Keep still instead of arguing or
• Yield you right or
• Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him
3. If he was angry because of external reasons then:
• Keeping silent untill his anger goes
• Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him
• Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened, e.g. 1) You should tell me what happened? 2) I must know what made you so angry. 3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know

Guardianship While He is Absent

• Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
• Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don’t like other people to know.
• Take care of the house and children.
• Take care of his money and properties.
• Do not go out of your house without full hijab.
• Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
• Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
• Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.

Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

• You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
• You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
• You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife.
• Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
• Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
• Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc..

Admirable Jealousy

• Jealousy is a sign for wife’s love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc..
• You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

Patience and Emotional Support

• Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
• When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your hsubandh, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
• When facing hardships in Da’wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
• When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment

Support in Obedience to Allah and Da’wah

• Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
• Encourage him to pray at night.
• Listen and reciting the Qur’an individually and with your husband.
• Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
• Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
• Share in arranging Da’wah activities for women and children.
• Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners (’adab) for women.
• Support your husband’s activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
• Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da’wah.

Good Housekeeping

• Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
• Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
• Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
• Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house
• Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

Preservation of Finances and the Family

• Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
• Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
• Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes etc. Take care their nutrition, health, education, manners etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

Angel's comment:

These are really good guide for me , not only to be a good angel but also a good mother and a good muslimah, Insya-Allah.

The Obligation of a Woman Obeying her Husband

For Muslim's sisters ( copy from previous blog )

The Obligation of a Woman Obeying her Husband by Shaikh Saalih bin Fawzaan Al-Fawzaan

It is obligatory on you Muslim woman to obey your husband in matters of good. Abu Hurairah reported that Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily) prayers and keeps her private parts chaste and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any of the doors of Paradise she wishes.” [Reported by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh]

From Abu Hurairah (radyAllaahu ‘anhu), Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “It is not lawful for a woman to fast while her husband is present unless she has his permission. And she must not allow anyone in his home except with his permission.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

Also from Abu Hurairah (radyAllaahu ‘anhu), Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “When a man calls his wife to bed and she does not come to him, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until the morning arrives.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

And in the report of Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim, the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “By the One in whose Hand my soul is, there is no man that calls his wife to bed and she refuses him, except that the One who is above the heavens is displeased with her until he (the husband) becomes content with her.”

From the rights the husband possesses over his wife is that she fulfills the duty of tending to his household and not coming out from it except with his permission. The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “The woman is the caretaker of her husband’s household and she will be questioned as to her responsibility.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

Another right he possesses over her is that she fulfills the duties of the household and that she does not make him hire a female servant, which will cause harm and due to which there will be a risk of danger for himself and his children.

Shaikh-ul-Islaam Ibn Taimiyyah (rahimahullaah) said commenting on Allaah’s saying: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (i.e. their chastity).” [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]: “This mandates the unrestricted obligation of a woman obeying her husband, in all affairs, such as serving him, traveling with him, assisting him and other matters, as is indicated in the Sunnah of Allaah’s Messenger.” [1]

The great scholar, Ibn Al-Qayyim, said: “Those who say that it is obligatory for the woman to serve the husband use (this ayah) as proof in that those who Allaah directed His Speech to (on this occasion) considered this to be from al-ma’roof (good). But as for the woman relaxing and having the husband serve her, sweep, grind the flour, knead the bread, wash the clothes, fix the bed, and serve the household, then that is from al-munkar (evil).

And Allaah says: ‘And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar to those (of their husbands) over them.’ [Surah Al-Baqarah: 228]

And Allaah says: ‘Men are the protectors and maintainers over women.’ [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]

So if a woman doesn’t serve her husband, but instead he acts like a servant to her, then this means that she is the protector and maintainer over him.”

He further said: “For indeed Allaah obligated him to spend on her, to clothe her and to provide her with a place of dwelling in exchange for his enjoying her and her serving him, as well as what the habits of the spouses call for.

Likewise, the binding marriage agreements require that the spouses live in kindness. And kindness means a woman’s serving (her husband) and taking care of the inner affairs of the household.”

And he said: “And there is no difference as to whether the woman is prestigious or lowly, or if she is poor or rich. Just look at this woman who was the most prestigious of women in the world…” [2]

He is referring to Faatimah (radyAllaahu ‘anhaa) for she would serve her husband and come to the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) complaining to him, but he would not complain about her.

Angels comment:

This is my reference if somebody asking me about obeying husband based on my faith. I believe most of religion taught us to be a good wife. As Muslim wife, I must obeyed my husband after God in one condition; as long as what been taught in Quran n Sunnah. If my husband ask me to do the bad things, of course I will ignore his order. That a simple rule but please, don't get confuse from what you reading or watching in TV, because some people try to manupulate the rules which gave us a bad name as Muslim. Its unfair because we're not like that.

I'm telling this before you girls speculate ( or even ask) about my religion.That's what I did when reading LS blog. LS, if you happened to read this, I'm sorry for what you have been through. My prayer will always with you.