Ok, lets get something really serious. I'd been doing a lot of thinking and talking with King about our my future, I mean my career. Frankly speaking, its impossible to get back into my line after 4 years resigned. I almost forget everything about engineering and technical stuffs. He suggested me to take MBA. The problem is, I'm not really in mood to study again.

What I want to actually? I don't know. I'm happy with what I am now. But what will my parents say? And I still had to pay my study loan. He said that he would take care of it.

My plan is, to get pregnant so I had an excuse to stay at home. ( most employer won't hire a pregnant woman). Hope the economy will get better


notes: this was written last December, and i forgot to publish it . And I'm actually 6 months pregnant now :)

Potty training

I'm so tired and exhausted today. Almost give up. But I had to do it, he is 3 now and all his friends already trained too. I only get a chance to train him now because the school just closed this week. Hopefully he pass and graduate soon, at least before he start his preschool next month, I mean next year.


Nothing going much with me, still with PMS syndrome. Any spanking won't help me during this time. Period. I just need more coffee and coffee. And some shopping retail therapy .. opss.. . Linen n things at my place will close their store soon so they sold everything at very cheap price, I guess. I got a new chafing dish , a set of grill tools and 4 towels for total $70. And also a programable coffeemaker from Canadian Tire. Bedding set still on the list, got to save some for Boxing day!

Snippets- things that made me upset and down

1. I received a message that made me cried for the whole week.

2. I need to stand what I'm believe, forget the past and moved on.

3. Get a real life, its only in internet. Don't let all those things interfere my life.

4. I'm sorry for everything, I didn't mean to be disrespect to other people, especially the elder one. But I can't let this thing make me down and upset forever. I just want to forget about it. I don't want to be defensive, but I can't lie to my feeling. I'm so sad and can't stop crying.

5. No matter what people think about me, I know what I'm doing, I did say sorry and I really don't want to think and talk about it anymore. I couldn't read the second message because the first message was very harsh and quite enough to make me cry for the whole week. It made me felt I'm the worst person in this world.

6. Sometimes, its better to keep quiet rather than talking too much , especially when you're really mad and upset because you might said something emotionally, without thinking about it.

7. I should feel good about myself. I had to stop thinking about what others would think and said about me. I'm tired of deleting and making new blog.

8. I'm so tired pretending nothing happened with me in front of King. I didn't tell anything to him because I don't want him to worry about me.

9. I hope I can start writing again. There are so much things I want to write in my blog. From now on, this is the place that I will write about my feeling, opinion and what I think the best for me.

10. I don't want to talk about this anymore. This is the worse punishment I ever had, being away from all DD blogs for 2 weeks, even my own blog. But I know if I coming back and read the message, I 'll keep crying and upset. I had my own life out there with my kid and husband. They need me. What the 3 years old boy think when he saw his mother crying in front of laptop?


I think I feel much better now. Sorry, I disabled the comments for this entry, because I don't want to talk about it anymore.