Ok, lets get something really serious. I'd been doing a lot of thinking and talking with King about our my future, I mean my career. Frankly speaking, its impossible to get back into my line after 4 years resigned. I almost forget everything about engineering and technical stuffs. He suggested me to take MBA. The problem is, I'm not really in mood to study again.

What I want to actually? I don't know. I'm happy with what I am now. But what will my parents say? And I still had to pay my study loan. He said that he would take care of it.

My plan is, to get pregnant so I had an excuse to stay at home. ( most employer won't hire a pregnant woman). Hope the economy will get better


notes: this was written last December, and i forgot to publish it . And I'm actually 6 months pregnant now :)

Potty training

I'm so tired and exhausted today. Almost give up. But I had to do it, he is 3 now and all his friends already trained too. I only get a chance to train him now because the school just closed this week. Hopefully he pass and graduate soon, at least before he start his preschool next month, I mean next year.


Nothing going much with me, still with PMS syndrome. Any spanking won't help me during this time. Period. I just need more coffee and coffee. And some shopping retail therapy .. opss.. . Linen n things at my place will close their store soon so they sold everything at very cheap price, I guess. I got a new chafing dish , a set of grill tools and 4 towels for total $70. And also a programable coffeemaker from Canadian Tire. Bedding set still on the list, got to save some for Boxing day!

Snippets- things that made me upset and down

1. I received a message that made me cried for the whole week.

2. I need to stand what I'm believe, forget the past and moved on.

3. Get a real life, its only in internet. Don't let all those things interfere my life.

4. I'm sorry for everything, I didn't mean to be disrespect to other people, especially the elder one. But I can't let this thing make me down and upset forever. I just want to forget about it. I don't want to be defensive, but I can't lie to my feeling. I'm so sad and can't stop crying.

5. No matter what people think about me, I know what I'm doing, I did say sorry and I really don't want to think and talk about it anymore. I couldn't read the second message because the first message was very harsh and quite enough to make me cry for the whole week. It made me felt I'm the worst person in this world.

6. Sometimes, its better to keep quiet rather than talking too much , especially when you're really mad and upset because you might said something emotionally, without thinking about it.

7. I should feel good about myself. I had to stop thinking about what others would think and said about me. I'm tired of deleting and making new blog.

8. I'm so tired pretending nothing happened with me in front of King. I didn't tell anything to him because I don't want him to worry about me.

9. I hope I can start writing again. There are so much things I want to write in my blog. From now on, this is the place that I will write about my feeling, opinion and what I think the best for me.

10. I don't want to talk about this anymore. This is the worse punishment I ever had, being away from all DD blogs for 2 weeks, even my own blog. But I know if I coming back and read the message, I 'll keep crying and upset. I had my own life out there with my kid and husband. They need me. What the 3 years old boy think when he saw his mother crying in front of laptop?


I think I feel much better now. Sorry, I disabled the comments for this entry, because I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Salty pizza

Ok, I'm done copying my entries from the previous blog. I will start writing something new and fresh tomorrow. I can't sit too long with my sore bottom.. ouch! Its already nine here and I'd better take S to bed. Nope, I don't have any date tonight, he still at school. The living room is such a big mess with blocks, books and cars everywhere. Oh boy, you keep me busy day and night.

Btw, I made a salty pizza tonight. I only can have once, its too salty. I guess I put too much salt in sauce. ( Home made sauce, because my pizza sauce is out of stock). I don't think he will eat it. This afternoon, he complained my cooking was too spicy for him. Yeah, black pepper and red hot chili pepper; what a nice combinantion :)

Darling, why don't you send me to cooking class.

7 Qualities of a Good Wife

7 Qualities of a Good Wife

by E Lawrence Welch

Whether you’re a man looking for a good wife or a wife wanting to improve yourself, your marriage or your relationship – take a look at these 7 qualities of a good wife. Good fruit will come from these basic qualities anyone can develop.

1) Nag free. Ladies, a good wife is going to be nag free. Nagging is an ineffective method of trying to get your husband to perform a task you desire. Trust me ladies – it doesn’t work and often will have the opposite of its intended affect.

2) Supportive. Are you supportive? What does it mean to be supportive? Do you belittle your man or do you help him to feel good about himself, his job, activities? Your husband will be much more respectful of you if you support him. Even when you don’t agree with him – respectfully let him know you don’t agree – then support him anyway. Otherwise, if he has difficulties – he’ll feel as though you’re adding to his troubles.

3) Build up your man. Ladies, there’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him – especially in front of others. On the flip side – try genuinely complementing your husband in front of other people. Your husband will glow with admiration toward you and you’ll feel his appreciation as love.

4) Keep him happy in the bedroom. Unfortunately, many women underestimate the importance of keeping her man’s needs met. Often this comes from the basic differences in women and men. For men, sexual desire is much like physical hunger and if it’s not fed properly – the relationship will struggle. Women must look to understand the needs of the man from his perspective not hers.

5) Respect. A good wife will try to treat her man with respect. How? Much of learning how to be respectful toward your husband has to do with the way you talk to him. The old phrase “It’s not so much what you say but how you say it” should become a wife’s motto. This doesn’t mean you need to be careful what you say to your husband – just be respectful in the way you say it.

6) Communicate. Ironically, good communication between men and women can be quite frustrating. However, a good wife will seek to discover what’s on her mind and find a way to express herself to her husband. Often, men and women will make a joint decision – while the man thinks she’s in agreement with him – but only to discover later that she thought the decision was a bad idea.

7) Be pleasant. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who makes everyone around you feel bad just because you’ve had a hard day. Good things will come from being pleasant. It’s a decision – just decide to be pleasant. But if you can’t be pleasant – make a decision not to bring him down with you

Feminine vs Feminist

A bit provocative entry, but truly from my heart.


Feminist vs feminism? These things really bothered me these last few months.

I was born as a feminist person. I want to lead, I want to control everything. And I always think I can do anything that man can do. I fought and proved that I better than them but I never happy with my achievement. Something is missing.

When I started exploring few blogs last Oct; Sexy lingerie, Surrendered Wife, Marriage Bliss, DD blogs ,Fashionable Housewife and Retro Housewife , I slowly changed to become more feminine. As a feminist person before, I know and realized what had affected my marriage and life before this. From my observation in xxx forum, most of the woman suffered in their relationship and marriage because of their feminist thing. They don’t really respect/trust their partner and try to be bossy/queen control. I try to give an opinion, we as a woman should become more feminine to our husband. Actually there were few things I said and sadly, they don’t accept my opinion. Ok, I understand not everyone can adapt/understand/accept the concept HOH relationship. So I stop form giving any opinion because they attack me back and labeled me as a slut ( for being obedient wife).

King said, I can’t join them anymore because I’m not one of them now. My feminist day is over. He likes and more respects to me now. I still can do anything I want as long as I remember my place as a wife and he as HOH. Being feminine made me feel more submissive to him.

What I’m tried to say here, being feminist 24/7 is not work for me and could slowly destroyed my marriage. There are times when I should be feminist and feminine. As a stay at home wife, I love the role as feminine wife. But if I’m in any organization or work, I prefer to be more feminist. Right now, I just enjoyed being feminine.

So blessed

Married to King is the happiest thing in Angel's life. She knows that she won't find any other man who can love her so much. She know not all man can sacrifice to give a big love and attention to their woman. He's willing to hurt himself to see his Angel happy and content. He loves his Angel when she being a good wife, he enjoys his little naughty wife and when Angel being brat, he corrected her. He will do anything to make sure his wife happy and protected. Angel couldn't ask for more, she's so blessed to have him in her life. Angel believes king knows the best thing for her.

Being a good wife far beyond housekeeping

By Ruth Millett

A great many women seem to confuse being a good housekeeper with being a good wife.

Over and over in my mail are letters from women who more or less repeat what this writer says about her qualifications as a wife:

“I think I am a good wife, since I keep the clothes clean, look rather well and keep our home in good order.”

What that woman, and others who list similar reasons for feeling that they are good wives, are actually saying is, “I am a good housekeeper.”

But good housekeeping is just one of the skills necessary in being a good wife. In fact, if that were all a man expected to get from marriage he would just hire a housekeeper.

Married For Love

Instead he chose marriage, because in addition to having a woman keep house for him, he also wanted a woman he could love and who would return his love in full measure.

He also wanted a companion to share his interests and lead him to new ones.

He wanted a cheering section to applaud him when he did well and to encourage him when he failed.

He wanted gaiety and laughter around him.

He wanted the security of knowing that at least one person in the world approved of him just as he was and would continue to love him for better or for worse.

He wanted a home that was not only neat but interesting. A place for hobbies and learning for friends and lazy hours.

A woman has to look far beyond her housekeeping before she dare assume that she is a good wife.

Taken from The Daily Times-News. Burlington, North Carolina. March 18, 1958.

Angel's comment:

Being a stay at home wife didn't make me a bimbo. I 'm not just sitting in the house, I did attending my parenting/social group twice a week and volunteering in my community . King doesn't want an anti social angel; he encouraged me to go out and meeting people. He trust me and as loving angel, I'll always remember my place and duty to him. He not only want a clean house and a great dishes from his wife, but he want someone to talk and share about his work, politic and economic. Of course he didn't expect me to read Wall Street Journal, but he strongly encouraged me to read newspaper everyday; to know what happens around. So next time when he talk about something, I didn't blur or just saying " Who is Steven Harper? "

Could you win this "good wife" certificates?

A noted marriage authority sets down this thought-provoking guide, which all wives who want to be better ones might well follow.

By Clark W. Blackburn - General Director, Family Service Association of America, With Theodore Irwin.

Clearly, a cornerstone of the successful family is the wife. Just what are the criteria for a “good” wife? Each family is unique and has its own pattern and problems. But by and large, the estimable wife often has some basic characteristics. In a cross-section survey of 20 leading marital-relations advisers among member agencies of the Family Service Association of America, we have gathered a consensus of their views on the subject.

The following points, not necessarily in order of importance for every couple, may guide young wives just starting out in family life, and give other women a better perspective on their own role:

1. The good wife, grown-up enough to give as well as to receive, has the capacity to provide her husband with emotional support when needed.

That is, she is sensitive to his feelings and moods. When he is preoccupied by tensions outside the home, she knows he is not rejecting her. If he needs praise, she’s able to offer it. In crises, she stands by him: if he loses his job or fails in a venture, she doesn’t blame him entirely, but puts on a good face and does all she can to see him through the ordeal.

She understands his impulses even though she may disapprove of his behavior. Let me illustrate with a case at one of our agencies. Barbara had married Fred, a widower with a grown daughter and two grandchildren. Fred tended to go overboard with financial help to his daughter. Last summer, he sent both grandchildren to an expensive camp, thus depriving Barbara and himself of a longer vacation. But Barbara realized that Fred’s daughter resented his second marriage and perhaps this was his way of winning her over. Instead of expressing resentment, Barbara accepted his gesture as a wish to be a good father and grandfather — an emotional need that had to be satisfied.

2, To be able to give her husband emotional support, the good wife develops her own potentialities as a human being. Retaining her individuality and independence, she may take courses in adult education, cultivate her talents, or participate in community affairs. Thus, she fulfills herself as a person and still pulls her oar as a wife. At the same time, she grows along with her husband, expanding her horizons with his and broadening her interests as he moves ahead. She is able to keep pace with him. adjusting to the many and various changes and emotional cycles in their love.

3. Her expectations of what her husband can do are realistic. Take the case of Joan and Paul Meadows, for example. As an orphaned child, Joan had been placed in one foster home after another. Instability marked her entire youth. When she married Paul, a truck driver, Joan realized he had far less education and intelligence than she, but he was steady and predictable, giving her the security she needed. Joan manages the finances, plans for the children, and makes the major decisions, yet she makes Paul feel he is the boss at home. She has never berated him for his inability to increase his income. Joan sees her husband in a true light.

4. The good wife shares her husband’s goals, fitting them to her own. She is willing to wait patiently for the ultimate rewards. In attaining these objectives, she shares responsibilities as well as pleasures and problems. A fairly common case in point is a couple I’ll call Ed and Betty Jackson. Ambitious to get ahead, Ed started as a salesman in a demanding business. He worked late hours and traveled a good deal. Although she was annoyed and lonely from time to time, Betty adapted herself to the situation. She learned to make casserole dishes that wouldn’t spoil when he came home late, and made the most of their few hours together. Now that Ed has been made an executive, they have household help and more time to spend with each other. Recently, the Jacksons took a long-dreamed-of trip to Europe. As her husband’s “partner,” Betty had played her role well in his hard climb upward.

5. Through the warmth of her affection, the good wife helps keep their love alive. She sends him off with a kiss in the morning and greets him as fondly when he returns. To her, physical love is a symbol of devotion rather than an end in itself, and she is aware that such physical need is usually greater in the male. The considerate wife lets her mate know that she finds him desirable, and never makes him feel inadequate as a male.

6. The good wife has a deep, abiding, confident faith in the man she has married. She wants others to respect him as she does. In a group conversation, she permits him to take the lead and shouldn’t interrupt him constantly or spoil his joke - She avoids criticizing him in public. Nor does she disparage associates and friends he admires. She follows an open-door policy for them in her heart even if she finds them dull or sometimes dependable. She may compromise gracefully, however, by not seeing them too often.

7. While she enjoys her husband’s companionship, the good wife doesn’t become too dependent on it. Respecting his need for occasional privacy, she learns when to keep quiet if she’s aware he is upset or uncommunicative. If he’d rather read or watch a ball game on television, she avoids disturbing him with idle chatter. While family unity is desirable, she doesn’t force him into “togetherness.” If her husband invites her to join him in golf, fishing, or bowling — and she’s interested — she’ll go along for the comradeship. But if he prefers some social time with other men, and she senses that she shouldn’t intrude, the good wife doesn’t consider this a personal affront. She knows she doesn’t have to be in her husband’s corner every moment of his free time.

8. Social scientists agree that emancipation from parental domination is essential to harmony in marriage. The good wife doesn’t run off to mother every time she’s up against a situation she can’t handle. While she maintains close ties with her parents, their wishes do not control her decisions. No longer their “little girl,” she has assumed the full stature of a wife. Her mother’s advice may be helpful, but the smart wife knows that it must not intrude on the young couple’s privacy. Toward her husband’s parents, she is accepting. Tactfully, she arranges to see them regularly (if that’s what her husband wants), and takes their suggestions with grace. But she and her husband still hold the reins at home.

9. Considering homemaking her profession, she enjoys being a capable household manager, even if she has an outside job, too. Home should be more than a place for her husband to hang his hat — he should find pleasure in returning to it each day. She makes every effort to keep their home reasonably cheerful, a restful haven. Meals are enticing in variety. Unless he’s willing to do such household chores as washing dishes or changing diapers, she does not insist on it Although he can help around the house, her mate isn’t converted into a “mother substitute.” If she has a part-time career or full-time job, it doesn’t take priority in her life, and her own work should not become more important to her than his.

10. Conflicts are normal in marriage, and the astute wife doesn’t let tensions pile up; she works them out as they come along. Above all, she must be able to communicate her feelings and respect her husband’s, though they may differ. She tries to find out what’s “eating” her mate, concedes that his viewpoint may be reasonable and opens the way to discussion and compromise. When she knows the “sore spots” in his personality, she avoids the temptation to strike at them. If she has a grievance herself, she tries to choose the right time and place to air it, limiting her arguments to relevant facts. Above all, she retains her sense of humor and sense of proportion.

What about her function as a mother? Having children is a joint goal, an expression of a couple’s affection for each other. Generally, the American woman today takes a dominant role when the children are young, but the good wife doesn’t shut out her husband or lessen her devotion to him. She divides her love between him and the children. From the beginning, she encourages him to share in their rearing and guidance. When they misbehave, she handles the problem as it comes up: she doesn’t put him in the unfavorable position of a dreaded disciplinarian by threatening her children with: “Wait till Daddy comes home!” He does his part when he’s at home, and she backs him up in his methods of punishment.

Naturally, no one wife is likely to fit all these criteria for the ever-loving spouse. Nor does anything less than these criteria necessarily make a woman a “defective” wife. Obviously, the characteristics of American families vary widely, and no outsider can say what is best for each couple. But these 10 yardsticks can serve as a guide to women who wish to evaluate their own role — and to husbands who may now awaken to the fact that their mates may well merit at the very least a symbolic “good wife” award.

Photograph by Victor Orsatz.

Taken from The Salisbury Times. Salisbury, Maryland. December 18, 1960

Angel's comment:

This is a very long one, but worth to read. Basically, it tells some stories story about "good wife". I didn't claim myself as a good wife, but I'm struggling work for it. I resign from my job in 2004 to follow my husband continue his studying here. That was a big sacrificed to make ; leaving a job, family, friends and country. I never regret with the decision , because I trust him and had a faith on him.

How to make your husband happy

Again, copy from my previous blog. Don't ask me either I have done it or not, because I'm still learning to be a good wife.. LOL

How to make Your Husband Happy

by Sheikh Mohammed Abdel haleem Hamed

Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting.

• Meet him with a cheerful face.
• Beautify and perfume yourself.
• Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
• Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
• Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

Beautify and Soften the Voice

• For your husband only, it shouldn’t be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried).

Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

• Taking good care of your body and fitness.
• Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
• Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.
• Avoide that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
• Avoide prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
• Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
• Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
• However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

Intercourse

• Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
• Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
• Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
• Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
• Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband, and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted

• You shouldn’t be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
• You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you.
• You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.

Indifference to Worldly Things

• You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
• You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
• Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
• Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

ppreciation

• By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
• The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways.
• The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?

Devotion and Loyalty

• In particular in times of calamities in your husband’s body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
• Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

Compliance to Him

• In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
• In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.

Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

• First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
• But if it happens that you can’t, then try to appease him as follows:
1. If you mistaken, then apologize.
2. If he mistaken then:
• Keep still instead of arguing or
• Yield you right or
• Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him
3. If he was angry because of external reasons then:
• Keeping silent untill his anger goes
• Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him
• Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened, e.g. 1) You should tell me what happened? 2) I must know what made you so angry. 3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know

Guardianship While He is Absent

• Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
• Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don’t like other people to know.
• Take care of the house and children.
• Take care of his money and properties.
• Do not go out of your house without full hijab.
• Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
• Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
• Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.

Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

• You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
• You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
• You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife.
• Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
• Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
• Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc..

Admirable Jealousy

• Jealousy is a sign for wife’s love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc..
• You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

Patience and Emotional Support

• Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
• When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your hsubandh, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
• When facing hardships in Da’wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
• When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment

Support in Obedience to Allah and Da’wah

• Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
• Encourage him to pray at night.
• Listen and reciting the Qur’an individually and with your husband.
• Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
• Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
• Share in arranging Da’wah activities for women and children.
• Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners (’adab) for women.
• Support your husband’s activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
• Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da’wah.

Good Housekeeping

• Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
• Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
• Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
• Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house
• Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

Preservation of Finances and the Family

• Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
• Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
• Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes etc. Take care their nutrition, health, education, manners etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

Angel's comment:

These are really good guide for me , not only to be a good angel but also a good mother and a good muslimah, Insya-Allah.

The Obligation of a Woman Obeying her Husband

For Muslim's sisters ( copy from previous blog )

The Obligation of a Woman Obeying her Husband by Shaikh Saalih bin Fawzaan Al-Fawzaan

It is obligatory on you Muslim woman to obey your husband in matters of good. Abu Hurairah reported that Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily) prayers and keeps her private parts chaste and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any of the doors of Paradise she wishes.” [Reported by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh]

From Abu Hurairah (radyAllaahu ‘anhu), Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “It is not lawful for a woman to fast while her husband is present unless she has his permission. And she must not allow anyone in his home except with his permission.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

Also from Abu Hurairah (radyAllaahu ‘anhu), Allaah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “When a man calls his wife to bed and she does not come to him, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until the morning arrives.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

And in the report of Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim, the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “By the One in whose Hand my soul is, there is no man that calls his wife to bed and she refuses him, except that the One who is above the heavens is displeased with her until he (the husband) becomes content with her.”

From the rights the husband possesses over his wife is that she fulfills the duty of tending to his household and not coming out from it except with his permission. The Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: “The woman is the caretaker of her husband’s household and she will be questioned as to her responsibility.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

Another right he possesses over her is that she fulfills the duties of the household and that she does not make him hire a female servant, which will cause harm and due to which there will be a risk of danger for himself and his children.

Shaikh-ul-Islaam Ibn Taimiyyah (rahimahullaah) said commenting on Allaah’s saying: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (i.e. their chastity).” [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]: “This mandates the unrestricted obligation of a woman obeying her husband, in all affairs, such as serving him, traveling with him, assisting him and other matters, as is indicated in the Sunnah of Allaah’s Messenger.” [1]

The great scholar, Ibn Al-Qayyim, said: “Those who say that it is obligatory for the woman to serve the husband use (this ayah) as proof in that those who Allaah directed His Speech to (on this occasion) considered this to be from al-ma’roof (good). But as for the woman relaxing and having the husband serve her, sweep, grind the flour, knead the bread, wash the clothes, fix the bed, and serve the household, then that is from al-munkar (evil).

And Allaah says: ‘And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar to those (of their husbands) over them.’ [Surah Al-Baqarah: 228]

And Allaah says: ‘Men are the protectors and maintainers over women.’ [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]

So if a woman doesn’t serve her husband, but instead he acts like a servant to her, then this means that she is the protector and maintainer over him.”

He further said: “For indeed Allaah obligated him to spend on her, to clothe her and to provide her with a place of dwelling in exchange for his enjoying her and her serving him, as well as what the habits of the spouses call for.

Likewise, the binding marriage agreements require that the spouses live in kindness. And kindness means a woman’s serving (her husband) and taking care of the inner affairs of the household.”

And he said: “And there is no difference as to whether the woman is prestigious or lowly, or if she is poor or rich. Just look at this woman who was the most prestigious of women in the world…” [2]

He is referring to Faatimah (radyAllaahu ‘anhaa) for she would serve her husband and come to the Prophet (sallAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) complaining to him, but he would not complain about her.

Angels comment:

This is my reference if somebody asking me about obeying husband based on my faith. I believe most of religion taught us to be a good wife. As Muslim wife, I must obeyed my husband after God in one condition; as long as what been taught in Quran n Sunnah. If my husband ask me to do the bad things, of course I will ignore his order. That a simple rule but please, don't get confuse from what you reading or watching in TV, because some people try to manupulate the rules which gave us a bad name as Muslim. Its unfair because we're not like that.

I'm telling this before you girls speculate ( or even ask) about my religion.That's what I did when reading LS blog. LS, if you happened to read this, I'm sorry for what you have been through. My prayer will always with you.

The good wife's guide

please click for large view


This is the another version from Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May 1955.

A good reminder for angel :)

How to be a good wife

This is an entry of my previous blog

I can't believe they actually learn this at school. Those who born after 40's might see this in their Home Economics High School text book, 1954.

How to be a good wife

Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself.

Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

Clear away the clutter.

Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

Prepare the children.

Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

Minimize all noise.

At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.

Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

Listen to him.

You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

The Goal:

Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Angel's comment:
I think these the attitudes that King want to see in his angel :). I always like the idea being a retro housewife. I'm happy to serve and please my king. Believe it or not, I'd been doing these things since last year and I can said, my marriage life are much better now. My husband would enjoy stay at home with me rather that going out by himself. He even called me and pick me up, went to Walmart to buy his favorite chips there.

These "retro housewife" works well with me because I'm a stay at home wife. If your wife is working, then you had to do a little adjustment like, sharing housework 50-50 with her. My husband still helping me doing housework like doing garbage, laundry, diaper changing and clean dishes. So, if you have a wife who works, you can't expect her to do everything perfectly. You and her must share and finish the chores so both of you can enjoy the rest of day together.

Data Defination, DD

This is my first post. I will transfer some of the content from my previous blog.

I haven't blogging for many months, because of some reasons. I decided not to announce this blog to everyone, and keep anonymity . Others who recognized me from my previous blog , I'm still the feminine and submissive type. It has been a year since we start DD , with trial n error.

Nope, I don't want to talk about DD here, because you can read it from other blogs. I tried type "DD" in Google and what I got was a data definition in IBM, hehehehhe. So, keep on guessing and for those who familiar with that word, you guys know much better.

Ok, I'd better prepare for dinner before King gets home. See ya!