6 weeks

Thanks God, I'm the happiest person in the world.

Totally disappointed

I'm totally disappointed. I'd been fooled for four years. Who am I to them, specifically to her?

She was married once, few months after my wedding. When I was told about the second wedding, I' a bit surprised and ask, did she already divorced? They said that she been divorced few years ago! What the heck? Why nobody tell me about it? Who am I to them?

I started recall everything that happened three years back. What was happened during my holiday at my parents house. What did she done and told me during the cold war between us. She already divorced and I didn't know about it? Why? I'm her younger sister, and they are my parents!!!

I felt so stupid, sometimes I wish I never born in their life. I know I shouldn't say this but I can't lie to my self. I'm sad, being ignored by my own family.

Thanks to DD, I learn to forget and forgive. I moved on and forget the past. I surrendered, humbled and accepted without argued and asked. But why they still treat me like this.

The engagement will take place this month , follows by the wedding in this coming Mac. I'll be home after May, and absolutely couldn't make it. I don't expect she will wait for us coming home, we're not an important person anyway.

May be I should move on.. again?

Boxing Day

I spent two hundred bucks during boxing day and after looking at all the shopping stuff, I decided to return coffee maker and bedding sheet set. So I will get back another 70 bucks. My beloved , charming and wonderful husband put a thousand in my bank account. Love you so much , hubby! I still love you if you only gave me a hundred but you won't see the word charming and wonderful here.. LOL

I get a pair of Guess jeans, EA handbag and some dining stuff for our new house. Yes, I'll moving to our not so new house ( he bought it five years ago) in summer and that's mean I'll be no longer here. I don't really want to think and talk about it now, just want to enjoy my last winter here.

My dear husband, thanks for taking a week break and entertaining me with all the shopping things. And a thousand of thanks for a big bonus and looking after our son during the shopping. I know you still upset on the Guess jeans ( I should told you just take it and return the Dockers) but I believe you will get another one when we go shopping in States, before returning back home.

Good bye 2008

Happy New Year to everyone.

I don't have any specifically resolution this year, because I need to continue my long list resolution of last year. 2008 was like a new beginning for me, because we just discovered DD on my 27 th birthday. We still in HOH-obedient wife marriage and hope to keep it in no matter what .

2008 was a great year, I'm so happy and looking forward to more adventurous in 2009.

Ok, lets get something really serious. I'd been doing a lot of thinking and talking with King about our my future, I mean my career. Frankly speaking, its impossible to get back into my line after 4 years resigned. I almost forget everything about engineering and technical stuffs. He suggested me to take MBA. The problem is, I'm not really in mood to study again.

What I want to actually? I don't know. I'm happy with what I am now. But what will my parents say? And I still had to pay my study loan. He said that he would take care of it.

My plan is, to get pregnant so I had an excuse to stay at home. ( most employer won't hire a pregnant woman). Hope the economy will get better


notes: this was written last December, and i forgot to publish it . And I'm actually 6 months pregnant now :)

Potty training

I'm so tired and exhausted today. Almost give up. But I had to do it, he is 3 now and all his friends already trained too. I only get a chance to train him now because the school just closed this week. Hopefully he pass and graduate soon, at least before he start his preschool next month, I mean next year.


Nothing going much with me, still with PMS syndrome. Any spanking won't help me during this time. Period. I just need more coffee and coffee. And some shopping retail therapy .. opss.. . Linen n things at my place will close their store soon so they sold everything at very cheap price, I guess. I got a new chafing dish , a set of grill tools and 4 towels for total $70. And also a programable coffeemaker from Canadian Tire. Bedding set still on the list, got to save some for Boxing day!

Snippets- things that made me upset and down

1. I received a message that made me cried for the whole week.

2. I need to stand what I'm believe, forget the past and moved on.

3. Get a real life, its only in internet. Don't let all those things interfere my life.

4. I'm sorry for everything, I didn't mean to be disrespect to other people, especially the elder one. But I can't let this thing make me down and upset forever. I just want to forget about it. I don't want to be defensive, but I can't lie to my feeling. I'm so sad and can't stop crying.

5. No matter what people think about me, I know what I'm doing, I did say sorry and I really don't want to think and talk about it anymore. I couldn't read the second message because the first message was very harsh and quite enough to make me cry for the whole week. It made me felt I'm the worst person in this world.

6. Sometimes, its better to keep quiet rather than talking too much , especially when you're really mad and upset because you might said something emotionally, without thinking about it.

7. I should feel good about myself. I had to stop thinking about what others would think and said about me. I'm tired of deleting and making new blog.

8. I'm so tired pretending nothing happened with me in front of King. I didn't tell anything to him because I don't want him to worry about me.

9. I hope I can start writing again. There are so much things I want to write in my blog. From now on, this is the place that I will write about my feeling, opinion and what I think the best for me.

10. I don't want to talk about this anymore. This is the worse punishment I ever had, being away from all DD blogs for 2 weeks, even my own blog. But I know if I coming back and read the message, I 'll keep crying and upset. I had my own life out there with my kid and husband. They need me. What the 3 years old boy think when he saw his mother crying in front of laptop?


I think I feel much better now. Sorry, I disabled the comments for this entry, because I don't want to talk about it anymore.